#1 Evolution of An Ally

#1 Evolution of An Ally (aka Questions people will ask that are opportunities to turn them into allies).

"You do WHAT?"

"That's not just cheating?"

"They... know about each other?"

I’m answering these questions together because their order is interchangeable and they all go hand-in-hand. The key is to emphasize that yes, your partner(s) DO indeed know about each other and what is going on! If you are in a polyamorous set-up, explain that you and your partners know about each other and keep each other informed to the degree you’ve decided is comfortable. If you’re in a non-monogamous set-up, perhaps explain that you and your committed partner are comfortable with seeing other people for sexual or emotional value, have your personal reasons for doing so, and do tell every auxiliary partner up front that you are committed to someone and can’t/shouldn’t become committed to them.

There are a billion set-ups for polyamory and nonmonogamy. Everyone’s answers will be unique. The themes I am trying to present are:

- Keep it short

- Make sure they know your partners are okay with it- not just the primary/committed ones

- In this phase, using phrase like “our own personal reasons” or “medical reasons” can cut off further invasive questions because of culturally mandated politeness.*

- At this point some may ask if there is anything wrong with your current relationship. Although the tendency may be to assure them there isn’t, remember the line, “methinks he doth protest too much.” Instead, take this opportunity to discuss what opening your relationship or living a non traditional lifestyle has added to your relationships.

*If this page gets international followers, I heartily invite them to comment their own cultural idiosyncrasies.