#5 Metamours: Talking it Out

Once you open or add to your relationship, you may start dating someone new together, or you may keep your own individual relationships relatively separate. A metamour is, most simply, “The partner of my partner.” Sometimes these people become friends, sometimes they become lovers, sometimes they just give each other a comradic nod in the foyer. Having metamours that get along is always a plus, but not always required. Relationships with and between metamours can be complicated, and for the purpose of this discussion we’ll be using a three-person vee as an example.

What’s appropriate to talk to your shared partner about? What’s appropriate to talk to each other about? What should you reserve for a confidant outside the relationship network?

If you get along well with your metamor, they can seem like the best confidante in the world. Be aware, however, that your relationships with your hinge are separate (in our hypothetical vee especially), and that sometimes venting or vaunting can put undue stress on your metamor to peacekeep or live up. Seniority can play a role in this, too. For example, if Pat and Drew have dated for five years and Alex is Drew’s new partner, it may be appropriate for Alex to ask Pat for advice on handling an aspect of Drew, but it may be inappropriate for Pat to vent to Alex about an issue they are having with Drew. In a way, the Campsite Rule applies to new partners for a time.

Also, remember: polyamory is not a competition!