#2 Evolution of An Ally

#2 Evolution of An Ally (aka Questions people will ask that are opportunities to turn them into allies).

"So it's not that serious, right?"

"Wow, that must be exhausting."

I tend to answer this week’s set of questions together: “Actually, we’ve been dating for two years, and all work together to coordinate and streamline our schedules. Google Calendars is a blessing. The most exhausting thing for me, personally, is the driving- which is true in both monogamous and nonmonogamous long distance relationships.” (draw parallels between tradition and deviation from it wherever you can ;) ).

It can be insulting for someone to casually invalidate your committed relationships, but remember that in the initial stages it’s usually ignorance, not malice. Resisting a knee-jerk venom-spitting reaction and instead opting for a more subtle correction can be incredibly constructive for both parties.

Nonmonogamous set-ups may have a slightly different answer, and they should keep in mind that they still need to make a respectful shout-out to their polyamorous cousins because most people don’t know and won’t grasp the difference for a while. Something like, “Well, for some people it can be about commitment to multiple people, but I’ve just got the one committed partner. We *are* serious about healthily having casual relationships outside our committed one, so we have serious discussions about non-exclusivity before and while we’re with those casual partners.”