#1 CHEATING: *Ethical* Nonmonogamy

When I tell people I’m polyamorous, they always ask, “Do they know about each other?” and half the time follow it up with, “Well isn’t that still cheating?” I try to be patient because I know what’s old to me is new to each person I talk to, but this one really exasperates me. So, as I’m posting the following weeks’ discussions, keep that in mind if I sound wry or caustic.

*Ethical* Nonmonogamy

At least, that’s the infamous adjective from “The Ethical Slut.” Being an ethical nonmonogamist takes a lot of work, and not everyone wants to put in the time and emotional effort- which is fine until, they stray from “minimal effort” into effort-full disrespect. Cheating is the least ethical, most disrespectful thing you can do to a partner, no matter your relationship set-up. Ethical relationships are honest, communicative, and respectful of boundaries the people involved decide upon together. Cheating defiles the health of the relationship, selfishly and cruelly setting one partner’s needs before their bond with the other. Cheating is not ethical. Nonmonogamy is.

I do know that “don’t ask, don’t tell” poly, open mono, and mono-poly relationships exist. Although it is not for me, the arrangement does still count as setting and respecting a boundary within the relationship.