#1 SEX!!!!

Sexual discussion of polyamory lands somewhere between assuming bisexuals are promiscuous and asking a transperson what their genitals look like: If you’re not fucking them, then it’s none of your fucking business! But, hey, since the question’s out there, let’s talk about it. Fuck it.

“Who sleeps with whom?”

That’s unique to every construct and group (and none of your business if you aren’t involved in that group). In open monogamy and mono-poly, it’s most common that the primary partner(s) are sleeping with others in a set-up like a double-asterisk, with the primary at the center and one line bonding them to the other primary at the center of the other asterisk. In polyamory, that may be dependent upon what sorts of relationships each person has with the other, and- SHOCKER!- what each person’s sexuality is! Heteroflexibility isn’t for everyone, so unless you’re a woman at the apex of a vee with two bisexual guys, you’re probably not going to get them in bed together, with or without you. Sexuality isn’t for everyone, either, and asexual partners may be primaries in multiple loving relationships while having sex with no one.