#3 How to Come Out as Poly

Coming Out stories seem to be a right of passage, or an entrance ticket, into many queer social groups. Not all Coming Out has to be done as an extensive drama, though! But, sometimes, it can’t be avoided. Whether coming out to family, friends, strangers, coworkers, or the internet community, always consider your options and strategies. Door in the Face Technique https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Door-in-the-face_technique “Mom, will you buy me a Play Station 4?” “Hell no!” “Okay. Well, some friends are going to play at a friend’s house this weekend. Can I have gas money to go play with them? Then you don’t have to drive me.” We’ve all done something like this in our teen years, with varying scripts and levels of success. The key to a good DITF is making the outrageous request related to the real request (PS4 is the topic of both here). You can increase your success rate if you add a positive spin to the real request (in this case, convenience to the person you’re asking). I’ve used this to break the ice on discussions about poly with my family a few times, and it ends up looking a little different than traditional DITF: “So, I’m finally past that horrible abusive relationship. My ex is completely out of my life, and my partners are both being really supportive to my healing process.” The first sentence presents a repugnant thing to discuss, and in this case reminds them to be sympathetic, as well as being an extremely heavy subject to throw at that door. The next clause is very positive, leading that twinge of sympathy in the direction of being happy for you, which then colors the subtle use of “both partnerS.” With this formula, I’ve avoided countless attacks on my relationship structure. Listeners still might be a bit awkward, but they’re never hostile with this sort of approach.