#3A Security and Being Out: SCHOOL

Since the number one reaction to coming out as nonmonogamous is “I don’t need to hear about your sex life,” come out in these settings with care. Traditional gender double standards can make coming out double harrowing for those who present female. Coming out in the cruel world of high school can be so harrowing as to be unnecessary, whereas coming out in college can depend entirely on what your social group is like. Coming out at work seems more acceptable for blue collar than white collar people (at least in my experience; if you’re outside the USA’s Midwest, at a company with an especially progressive culture, or in an alternative industry/work set-up, you may have a markedly different experience).

High school: don’t come out if you don’t have to. People are just assholes when they’re all trying to play it cool while figuring out who they are. I couldn’t even find a way to date multiple people in high school, so there was no utility to coming out. I let off steam by explaining why certain aspects of traditional monogamy were illogical - not the nicest thing to do, but still a better compromise than coming out for a political statement at a school where people flew confederate flags and the administration shut down the gay-straight alliance. If you can find refuge online, take it - just be aware that you might go into spaces where everyone assumes members are over 18, and not everyone has a clear grasp of polyAMORY.

College: Pick your friends wisely and your professors even more carefully. Most people will misinterpret you as making an effort to be lofty about hook-up culture. That’s not it, but at least you’ll get a lot of good practice honing your explanations.