#3B Security and Being Out: WORK

Since the number one reaction to coming out as nonmonogamous is “I don’t need to hear about your sex life,” come out in these settings with care. Traditional gender double standards can make coming out double harrowing for those who present female. Coming out in the cruel world of high school can be so harrowing as to be unnecessary, whereas coming out in college can depend entirely on what your social group is like. Coming out at work seems more acceptable for blue collar than white collar people (at least in my experience; if you’re outside the USA’s Midwest, at a company with an especially progressive culture, or in an alternative industry/work set-up, you may have a markedly different experience).

At Work: anti-discrimination laws mean nothing in right-to-work states (which are ALL OF THEM). Your reputation is all you have. Appearing to fit in with your workplace culture is a huge part of keeping your job. Never lead off with being nonmonogamous. Make sure your coworkers see you as a human being with whom they have a reasonable amount in common first. Bite your tongue and don’t soap-box (although with enough practice you might succinctly preempt a number of common assumptions - what do you think inspired my very first post series?). If you’re just in a sexually open relationship it stands to reason that you’ll never have to mention a date or a partner. If you’re in a polyamorous nesting relationship, good luck avoiding mentioning your partners and the roles they play in your children’s lives. If you want to brand them as aunts and uncles, just make sure your polycule is on the same page about who’s who.